For my children.

I have spend the last two days with my husband at my sister & her boyfriend's house. I needed that time with my husband. I needed it to reconnect with my husband. After the loss we have had we needed to find that connection again. We needed to find "us" again. And I feel we have done that. We will never again be the same "us," we will never again be the same individuals that we once were, we will never again be the same family that we once were. Right now we feel the weakest we have ever been, but I feel that one day we will be the strongest our family could ever be because of us having been through such a tragedy. But I pray that we find a new happiness one day, and a new way to be a family. We will miss her for the rest of our lives, nothing will ever change that. But by the grace of God I truly hope we grow in our faith, and in our love and appreciation for one another. I know that she would want that, I know I want that. 

Today while we were away I got a lovebug tattoo. It is little, purple, and has 5 spots. It is purple to always remind me of the joy I had when I was carrying our angel, and it has 5 spots to remind me that I have 5 beautiful children. Some may not understand how a color could remind you of such a thing, but with each of my babies I have associated a color with them during the pregnancy. That color has so far stayed with them and that is the color of their blankets from their Aunt, and is usually a color the get alot of. With Lucy, her color was purple. Her Aunt was making her purple blanket, she had a lot of purple clothes, and everything I spotted in purple I just HAD to have for her. If I saw anything purple it would remind me of her. It would remind me that I was being blessed with not only another child but another beautiful princess, beautiful baby sister. This was a child that we as a family had prayed for, that I as a mother had prayed for for my daughter. That I prayed for for my boys. I wanted so badly for my daughter to experience that sister bond that I grew up experiencing. I got this tattoo to remind me of all of these things. And even though our precious angel will not be joining our family, she needs to be remembered for all that she was going to be. She was going to be a sister, a daughter, and she is a sister, and a daughter just not in earthly form. So for me this tattoo is to help me remember all that she is. It is placed on my chest, it is placed to symbolize what my heart holds. And that is the love for 5 amazing children, that are my world and will be until the day I die.