Birthdays.

Today is Owyn's 2nd birthday. I am so excited to be celebrating his birthday, I am so blessed to have him. Especially after what happened to us a month before we lost Lucy. But it reminds me that we will never be able to celebrate life WITH her. I will never be able to plan her first birthday party, I will never be able to plan her 5th birthday party, I will never be able to plan her sweet 16 party, her 21st birthday party. That makes me so sad. I was already thinking about her first birthday, how princessy it could be. How much fun it would be to plan a girly first birthday again. We will do something to celebrate her on her birthday, but I would give anything to plan those parties, and have the stresses of figuring out the theme, where to have it, who to invite. I would give anything to watch her grow up. I would give anything to watch her turn from a baby into a toddler and a toddler into a young child and from a young child into a teenager and from a teenager into a beautiful young woman. But I will never get to see that. I do not know how I will handle her birthday's passing each year without her here, I do not know how I will be able to see them pass every year knowing she should have been here to celebrate them. I wish so much she was here to see them and celebrate them by smashing cake all over her beautiful face on her first birthday, and seeing the excitement on her 2nd birthday when she blows out the candles the first time, and to take her to Disney for her 5th birthday like we have planned to do for the other kids. I pray that every year we have peace knowing how much she is being celebrated in Heaven. I pray that she knows how much we want her here to celebrate with. I never imagined I would have to say goodbye to one of my children, and have to face these things, but I have. I pray that I can find the peace and strength that I need for every birthday that passes. I love you my Lucy Kate, with all of my heart and Mommy would do anything in this world to be able to celebrate your birthdays with you, anything. I love you. 

Our beautiful Lucy Kate. How perfect she was. Held so perfect in Daddy's hands.