Counselor.

My husband and I saw a counselor this morning. She too has had a loss, at 5 months. It did help a little to have someone that has been through this to be able to talk openly with. But no one I know has had a loss so far into the pregnancy. We were so close, so close to holding her, so close to having her with our family. So close to being a complete family, and it was just ripped away. Why? Why me? Why us? Why did she have to be taken away? What was the purpose of blessing us in such an incredible way and then ripping all of that happiness and joy from us? I just wish I knew why. I wish I knew why her life was brought to us, and why it had to be cut so short. Why give her to us just to be taken away? Why give her to the sister that wanted her so very badly just to rip her away? That guilt is eating me alive. The guilt that my daughter has been disappointed so much. I want so badly to give her that sister that her heart desires. But I just do not know about it. I want so badly to be pregnant again, NOT right now...ok maybe a little right now if I am being totally honest. Not in anyway to replace Lucy because I could never ever ever ever do that, but I feel it would help me heal. But I am scared about my health if I do, I am scared of what it would do to my family with all that I go through, and mostly I am scared of loosing another child. I do not know that I could survive another loss like this. It is too great. So I guess we shall see what the future holds. I just pray that whatever it may be that it has peace for our family, peace for my heart. Never will I forget you my sweet beautiful amazing little Lucy Kate, you will have my heart forever. I love you, so very much and will think of you ever moment of every day.

You will hold my hand forever my littlest lovebug, my angel through this journey of your loss
you will help me through. I love you Lucy Kate, with all of my heart.