Been a few days.

One day my sweet precious angel we will hold you again.
I love you will all of my heart.

It has been a few days since I have written, not only was I unsure of what to write about but we have been very busy. We went to a place that my husbands family has gone too for years and we had a wonderful time but the whole time I was watching the kids play I kept thinking of my sweet Lucy and how she would never see that amazing place, and play with her siblings and cousins and Grandma and Papa, and all the aunts and uncles. I wanted her so badly to see that place, and share that place with her . But as I sat watching God's creation I realized that she was in a far better place and one day we will share it with her. But that does not make it any easier. It doesn't make what we are going through easier to handle. We want her here. We want to share everything with her. I know people mean well when they  say she is in a better place, and happier then she ever could have been here on Earth, but that doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't take the pain away. It doesn't help as her parents to think that there is anyone that could take care and love her more then we could. WE KNOW she is loved more and taken care of more then she ever could have been  here on Earth. The way I've been feeling and explaining is this... you know the feeling of missing your kids even when they are away from you for a long enough to run to the store (atleast I do, as I'm sure most mothers do) it's that missing feeling times a trillion. That is the only way I can explain this, the only way I know how to put it into words. She was a part of our family already, even though she was only in my tummy. She was a new little person coming into our lives, into our worlds and was going to better our family. We were being blessed one more time. It isn't as if we had just found out and had an early miscarriage, we were weeks away from having her safely in our arms. She was a little person, that we were all beginning to connect with and imagine being here with us. It isn't just something that we are all going to get over. I especially. I do not want to leave the house, I do not want to see anyone. Every time I see anyone I see the look in their eyes, that they just do not know what to say, and the sadness. I know there is nothing anyone can say to comfort this kind of pain. Prayers and thoughts, mean more then anything right now. I am trying everyday to build my strength in myself, in God's plan, and that we will make it through this but it is very difficult to do. I am struggling alot more then I thought I was. I just want my daughter, I want to hold her, and I want to tell her I love her more then anything.