From my heart to yours

I have been trying so hard to find the right words and way to express where I am in life right now. I unfortunately have not been able to find those words. But today, I was able to express my journey to a friend. So I thought what better way to express it then for it to be spoken from my heart to try to help touch the life of another family that has lost a loved one at such a young age. 

So here goes....
From my heart to yours <3

So unbelievably true. I've always been more of keep to myself kind of person. But after loosing Lucy, I've become a pretty raw person. I learned the most painful way how short life is, who true friends are, and how people can seem like the greatest person in the world till it comes down to you needing them by your side. On Dec 27, I had to do cpr on my son and we were unsure of his diagnosis and what damage had been done, then Jan 31 on my husbands birthday we lost our baby girl, my world was COMPLETELY upside down and I had lost pretty much my entire support system. My world was crashing down around me and I realized that life would never,ever be the same again. I've had to experience pain and watch my children and husband suffer pain and there was nothing I could do. I've pretty much always showed my emotions, but had a really hard time speaking what was on my mind. From that moment on I have not. I learned how to speak about anything that was on my heart, and that you truly have too to have any kind of peace and experience true happiness. So that you do not live with any regrets. So that if that second comes where you are no longer here no one will be left wondering if you lived a happy life. Everyone will know that no matter how frustrated or angry you could have been, you were able to talk it over and release it. Then I lived the next 6 months in this rut where I missed her terribly and I was scared to death of my son having another seizure that I didn't truly enjoy them, enjoy life. NOW, now I'm taking my life back. And it feels amazing to do so. Amazing to see my kids in a light that I've never seen them before, and I thought my heart couldn't love them anymore and that I couldn't be prouder of them, but my heart is just bursting with joy & love for my children, family, and friends that I've never known. I'm not so reserved anymore, I've experienced some thing that I NEVER EVER thought I would lol! I've made memories to last me a lifetime, I've learned what a true friendship and love are about. Because through all of this the people that I expected to be there weren't, and the people that I knew would help us through were there in more ways then my heart could have ever imagined!
I pray Christina, that your family comes out stronger then ever and bonded like you never thought possible. He will be greatly, deeply missed by you all forever and nothing can ever change that no matter how much you try to take that step and move forward. But you know in your hearts that you all loved him, he knew that, and that he was a very happy little boy ♥ I could tell by the comments you made and the few pics I have seen how much he was loved, and how happy he was with that 10,000 watt smile! I am sure he would want you all to find some way to remember him and make his short life count for something here on earth.
I also recently lost a very very dear friend that I had not be able to see or talk too in about 5 yrs. He had 2 daughters and unborn child, which his gf found out was a boy after he passed. THAT taught me to NEVER let a friendship go without letting the other person KNOW how much they mean to you. And I know that your nephew would never question the love of his family, but take that and use it. Remember to always share how much someone means to you!!!!!
We are putting up a few things in the house today for Lucy, in a VERY positive way. I will post pics today so you can see it. One thing we did for her was released purple balloons with forget me knot seeds in them. I want to do a family picture with a purple balloon for her but that will take some to arrange. But through the loss of her & my friend who did childrens charities I want to do some sort of childrens charity in their memories, that weighs heavy on my heart. Maybe your family can find something to band together, and do in his memory ♥
SOOO sorry for the novel!!! Did not intend that!!!!!

My pleasure. I still struggle every day, it is not easy. But her short 31 wks in my tummy she taught my family so much. She was the baby sister to our daughter and three sons. She was our missing link. But I just try everyday to remind myself that I need to be strong and push through not only for my other children, but also for her. I want her life to have her purpose. Even though she never took a breathe on this physical earth she was still apart of our family and brought more joy then I can express and wanted more then I can ever express. I have incredibly hard pregnancies, and hers was by far the worst with heart conditions and only loosing weight, never gaining... To loose her and knowing that one different decision could have saved her life. I blamed myself for about 3-4 months. Sometimes I still have that nagging in my heart but looking back now, I KNOW that I loved her and did everything I thought right by her. She was absolutely too perfect for this earth. With all the problems I had she was healthy and measuring perfectly which none of my kids have, brought the meaning "too beautiful for earth" to reality for us ♥ 
I pray with every word I speak of our angel that it will help someone in some way. It's the only slightly positive that can come right now for me. I am not perfect and I do not expect anything I say to help someone heal, but if I can help in the slightest way it feels as though her life has had a purpose ♥
Please Christina too, if you don't mind, pass my info along. I'm still at the tip of the iceberg to healing but anything I can do, please let me know ♥

Your welcome. I never believed the words "time will heal." But then I had never been through such a life altering loss. Yes I've lost my great grandparents and my aunt & uncle who were like my grandparents but never something that truly affected my day to day life. So it didn't make sense to me. But it does now. No it doesn't take the pain in your heart away, and I still cry for her often, but it's because of missing seeing her, not the pain of the loss. So yes, I suppose in a round about way it does. He'll always be in your family, you just have to make the choice to keep him alive for you all ♥ That's what I'm trying to do now! 
Love you to Christina! I didn't mean to take over your post honey ;)

Just need to say too, this is my absolute worst fear come true. If there is anything I have feared in life, this was it. I never thought I could survive something like this. But I'm beginning to see that I am, and not for myself, but for my family ♥
You will too. It will take time, but you will. The biggest thing that helped me, was starting counseling right away. We started about 2-3 wks after we lost her... It was the best thing we could have done to make sure my husband and I didn't loose our communication, and found a way to be there for one another, and our children ♥