Update.

Well I have let this go for far to long. Just been extremely busy and trying to keep my mind occupied. I am doing better. Well for the most part. I still have my moments and sometimes my days but I just try to push the thoughts away. The last 2 weeks have had several occasions that I had pictured and planned for with our sweet Lucy, and they have been rather rough to get through but I made it. Now today I am celebrating my birthday and it is so bittersweet. I wish so much my princess was here with us. But I pray she is looking down and celebrating with us. I pray she has been the last 2 weeks. We are beginning to find some sort of normalcy again...well a new normal. It still after 6 months has been so hard to realize she isn't here. It sometimes feels so weird not getting up in the middle of the night for those feedings, and not having the baby stuff all over, but it's hitting more and more everyday which I know has to happen eventually. So I'm just dealing with it the best I can. It is almost like I finally get to a place I'm ok in and then something else hits and I'm at rock bottom again. But again, I know it all has to happen. Talking about her with family has helped so much, I LOVE talking about our baby girl. She is just as much my child and a part of us as our other beautiful babies. I will gladly talk about her and show pictures of her any second of the day. Yes I may cry, and it may make me sad, but she is still a part of our family and deserves to be shared with our loved ones as much as Mary, Kyle, Iyan, & Owyn are. And it has been great doing that. It is still so hard to see baby's, baby girls, but it has gotten a little easier. It is and never has been that I have been unhappy for anyone, it just has been very sad for me and hard to handle but I have been so thrilled for all of my loved ones that have been given such a miracle, because they truly are miracles. I pray that from here on out things get somewhat easier to handle this, and to handle getting through our future knowing that she will not be here beside us but watching over us instead. We love you Lucy Kate, always and forever apart of our family <3